Can YOU Relate?

I know all of these quotes came out of my mom's mouth on more than one occasion! I know we passed them along to our kids, too.



1. *My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE*.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."



2. *My mother taught me RELIGION*.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."



3. *My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL*.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"



4. *My mother taught me LOGIC*.

" Because I said so, that's why."



5. *My mother taught me MORE LOGIC*.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."



6. *My mother taught me FORESIGHT*.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."



7. *My mother taught me IRONY*.

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to really cry about."



8. *My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS*.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."



9. *My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM*.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"



10. *My mother taught me about STAMINA*.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."



11. *My mother taught me about WEATHER*.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."



12. *My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY*.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"



13. *My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE*.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."



14. *My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION*.

"Stop acting like your father!"



15. *My mother taught me about ENVY*.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."



16. *My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION*.

"Just wait until we get home."



17. *My mother taught me about RECEIVING*.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"



18. *My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE*.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."



19. *My mother taught me ESP*.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"



20. *My mother taught me HUMOR*.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."



21.. *My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT*.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."



22. *My mother taught me GENETICS*.

"You're just like your father."



23. *My mother taught me about my ROOTS*.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"



24. *My mother taught me WISDOM*.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."



And my favorite:



25. *My mother taught me about JUSTICE*.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.

THE MYSTERIES OF A HOCKEY PLAYER...

This pretty much says it all.......... The best kind of person in the world. The cockiest, dirtiest most irresponsible group of athletes in the universe. Will screw any broad and come back and tell all his buddies about it.Will booze at least 2 times a week and pretend they are still dedicated.Not afraid to live the dream til they're 35 then realize they never made it.Ladies love us.Guys want to be us. We are the soul of the universe. You lace up the skates, put on the gloves, strap on the helmet, and walk on to the ice and nothing else matters. It doesn't matter that you failed a test, your girl is being a bitch, or that you got a ticket on the way there...you're world is absolutely perfect for the next couple hours. Here's to faceoffs, goals, assists, overtime, living on the road, cold rinks, early mornings, breakaways, going top cheese, countless hours of practice, bag skates, puking, thousands of dollars, dangling d-men, end to end rushes, big hits, broken twigs, new skates, packing bombs, dropping the mits, wheelin' broads, coaches, adding the letter "y" to the end of everyone's last name, the word "fuck", pick up, tape to tape sauce, let downs, miracles and most of all - the game of Hockey. Why do we skate back and forth night after night? Skating so hard we throw up. Skating so hard your heart beat rings in your head, while your lungs are grasping for air. Late nights, early mornings, Friday nights, Saturday evenings, broken bones, torn muscles and deep bruises. We skate through it all. Because we live off our adrenaline, because the game frees your spirit, because the party in the locker room is second to none, because you're invincible once you step on the ice, because one shot can make you smile all night, sniping the twine, backy shelf where momma keeps the peanut butter, the rattling of the boards, the feel of the puck, and skates carving into the ice is a rhythm to live by, because its possible to skate fast enough to leave all your worries behind. Sweat is the cologne of our accomplishment. Why would someone push themselves so hard the uneducated pussies always ask? HOUSE LEAGUE, A, AA, AAA, JR.A, OHL, US COLLEGE, PRO... It's never been for the fucking the money, it's not for the girls, and it's not for the fame. 'The Boys' play because we fucking love it ...If you are a hockey player and you are proud to be one, pass this shit on with pride mother fucker, and let everyone know the definition of man.-